Monday, April 20, 2009

Marine 12 Step Program

I didn't write this but wish I had. It's perfect for anyone who has been a Marine or wants to print this off and put it on a former Marine's desk cause you're tired of being thrashed by the loading dock.

1. I am a Marine, I have problems. This acknowledgment is the first step to recovery...

2. Speech:
Civvy time does not begin with a zero or end in a hundred, ie It is not "zero five three zero" or "fourteen hundred" it is "five thirty" or "two o'clock".
Words like "deck", "rack", and "PT" will get you strange looks; use their proper names e.g., floor, bed, workout.
"F*ck" should not be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "umm".
Grunting is not communicating
It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not follow a set procedure and do not end in "out".

3. Style:
Do not put creases in your jeans or on the front of your dress shirts.
Do not iron your collar flat.
A hat indoors does not make you a bad person
You do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

4. Women:
Not all women like to take orders and most will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like one of your troops .
Being divorced twice by the time you are 25 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.

5. Personal accomplishments:
In the real world, being able to do lots of push-ups will not make you good at your job.
You will disturb most people if you tell them about people you have seen die.
How much pain you can take is not seen as a personal accomplishment.

6. Drinking:
That time you drank a full case of beer and peed in your closet is not a good conversation starter.
That time you went to the combat survival school and practiced giving vodka IV's will also not be a good conversation point .

6. Bodily functions:
Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "childish".
The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it stunk .
Don’t make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is.
Getting VD or passing it on will also not be funny.

7. The human body:
Most people will not want to hear about your nuts, their size, whether they itch, how they fit into your jocks….odd as that may seem, it's true.

8. Spending habits:
One day, you will have to pay bills.
Buying a $60,000 car on a $35,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
One day you will need health insurance.

9. Interacting with civilians:
Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be acceptable .

10. Real jobs in Civvy Street:
They really can fire you.
On the flip side you really can quit.
Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.
Remember it’s 9-5 not 0530 to 1800.

11. The Law:
“Contact counselling “ is not condoned .
Your workplace, unlike your command can't save you and probably won't, in fact most likely you will be fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested.
Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at before they ask you if you won.

12. General knowledge:
You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.
Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
People don't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite to all.
And Lastly....Read contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time…….

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